The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
