remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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