I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
