you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
