Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
