listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
