Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
