I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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