So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
