whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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