Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
