According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize