Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
