She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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