had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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