FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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