I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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