i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
