So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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