Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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