I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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