he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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