I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
