I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I have tasted many bathrooms
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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