you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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