i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
