I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
