You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
