The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
