Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
