I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
babies were throwing up all over the place
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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