No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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