I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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