neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
