i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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