Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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