Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
