I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
