I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
