why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Randomize
