theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
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