i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
