this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
