I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
nutella sex= disaster
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
