Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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