Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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