before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
