bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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