That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
