Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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