Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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