Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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