I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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